


Better Than Wikipedia

by BaegentWashington (onesaltydemon)



Series: Count Jackula [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, i know why, jack is a walking wikipedia, who knows why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6262933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onesaltydemon/pseuds/BaegentWashington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric Bittle knew there were several things that were special about Jack Zimmermann. He was really smart, had a great butt, and could effortlessly shift between English and French. Still, there was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than Wikipedia

Eric Bittle knew there were several things that were special about Jack Zimmermann. He was really smart, had a great butt, and could effortlessly shift between English and French. Still, there was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

 

_X_

“Bittle, did you take notes during the lecture today?” Jack asked, pulling his cap down further over his eyes.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, of course! Were ya too busy doodlin’ those hockey plays, Mr. Zimmermann?” A smirk graced Bitty’s lips before he smoothed it back out in order to attempt a stern expression.

“No, I was… Okay, yeah, I didn’t hear the last half of what she said. I’d owe you big time if you’d let me look at them tonight.”

Bitty couldn’t resist the giggle that bubbled out of him. “Why I never! Jack is asking _me_ for a favor? Someone fetch me my fainting couch!” He theatrically pressed a hand to his forehead while sighing wistfully.

“Look, if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I’ll just ask that girl who sits in front of us if…”

“Now see here! Of course I’ll lend ya my notes! What are teammates for, anyways?” Bitty tried to hide his laughter behind his fist but failed.

He staunchly told himself that the color of Jack’s face was due to the chirping and nothing else.

 

Later that night, when Bitty turned off the oven and joined Jack at the table, the captain was mumbling under his breath.

“Jack? Is everythin’ okay?”

The black-haired man’s head shot up, eyes wide with surprise and what seemed to be a hint of embarrassment.

“It’s just, what you wrote here, in blue?” His fingers skated across a phrase Bitty had written in a rush when the professor had started rapidly spewing facts that weren’t written on the board. “This is utter bullshit. That’s not how it went down.”

Bitty recoiled slightly at the statement, his brow furrowing. “No, that’s exactly what our professor said. I wrote it down word for word.”

“Okay, yeah, I’m not doubting you, Bittle. I’m just saying that she’s wrong. Elizabeth Cady Stanton wasn’t a Quaker. Though several of the other women at the convention were Quakers, she firmly denied those beliefs. She was seen as a bit of an outcast from the people of her time, not just for her religious beliefs but also because of her dramatic views of femininity and the role of women in general. Bit of a racist though.” Jack emphasized his point with his hands, waving them to and fro with his words.

It took a second for Bitty to find his words. “And just how d’ya know that?”

This time Jack was at a loss for what to say. Ruffling his hair, he sighed uneasily. “I’m a history major, remember? I’ve studied this stuff in detail before.” He smiled slightly, but he sounded like he was convincing himself as much as his teammate.

 

_X_

Shitty shook his head and then violently wagged a finger at Chowder. “You lil fucker, listen here. Hockey is as old and sacred as fucking, and I will not listen to any argument you have otherwise!”

The gulp from Chowder was audible across the living room.

“Guys! This argument is stupid! Just eat your pie and drop it, okay?” Bitty flitted from person to person, handing out plates and dishing up his most recent key lime pie. “This is my Moo Maw’s recipe, and I’ll be damned if it ain’t…”

“Actually, Shits, the first documented game of ice hockey was played on the third of March in 1875 in Montreal. I mean, technically they’d been playing a version of it in Nova Scotia for several decades, but that game was what got the sport legitimized and turned into a foundation for leagues two years later. Still, it didn’t become an official Olympic sport until the winter games of 1920, which turned it into an international phenomenon. Even then, we can’t pinpoint the exact creation of ball and stick games as it’s… What? Why is everyone staring at me?”

Bitty’s eyes were huge, his jaw slightly slackened.

“Brah, I think that’s the most you’ve talked in front of the frogs, like, ever,” Shitty said, shrugging. “Think you’ve just given them a shock. Give ‘em all a minute to reboot.”

Bittle shook his head. “How in the deep-fried hell do you know all that?”

Jack laughed and rubbed his neck with one of his large, calloused hands. “I, uh, like hockey?”

 

_X_

“You know,” Jack started, looking across the café table at Bittle whose nose was buried in his Twitter timeline, “coffee is younger than tea.”

Jack wasn’t sure at first if Bittle was really listening, but the arch of a blond eyebrow showed him the interest he was looking for.

“Yeah, I mean, tea is reported to have come from the Shang dynasty which spanned the years of 1600 BC all the way to 1046 BC. The first credible source on coffee didn’t come into the picture until the middle of the fifteenth century, meaning that tea is actually about twenty-five hundred years older than this stuff. The sweetened crap you drink didn’t come around until much later, though it’s hard to tell what the wealthy mixed into their morning brew. Strange to think that those Frappe-whatchyamacallits only started in 1995. Aaaaaand, now I’m rambling as badly as you do before games. Sorry.”

Bitty gently set his phone on the table to stare directly at Jack. “What in Sam Hill. I know that The Complete History of Warm Beverages isn’t a class offered here at Samwell, and it’s certainly not hockey related. Where do you get all this information from, Mr. Zimmermann?”

Looking around sheepishly, the taller man bent his head down to get closer to Bitty, whispering “listen, I’ll tell you someday, but not now, okay?” before getting up and all but running out of Annie’s.

All that was left at the table were two cups of coffee and a confused blond.

_X_

It turns out that someday was not coming fast enough for Eric. He decided it was time to take it into his own – albeit, small – hands.

A light fist rapped at Jack’s door around midnight. He had been scrolling through some NHL highlights and wondering if it was too late to go for a run. His voice sounded gravelly when he spoke. “Come in?”

Bitty poked his head through the threshold. “Jack? Do you have a minute?”

Unused to this kind of question from his teammate, he immediately sat up. “Is everything okay? Did Ransom and Holster get into some kind of trouble? Do we need to bail them out? Oh no, did Shitty try to jump off the roof again? I told him a thousand times that we need to stay off the roof because the shingles are shit and…”

Waving his hands in front of him, Bitty cut him off. “Nonono! It’s nothin’ bad, I promise. I just, uh. I just wanna ask you some questions? Are you busy?”

Instantly relaxing, Jack sighed a breath of relief and closed his laptop. “What can I help you with, Bittle?”

Bittle was wringing his hands and shifting uneasily from foot to foot. “I guess there’s no other way to ask it. How didjya get so smart? Like, ya know all these dates and facts and stuff, and ya talk like you were there. Ya know about it all so… intimately?”

Tension quickly worked its way up the senior’s spine. “Can we not do this now? I don’t really think this is the right time to get into…”  
  
“If not now then when, Jack?” Bitty cried. “Ya said you’d tell me someday, and I thought that we were getting’ to be really good friends. I’m just curious as to how ya know all the things ya do? Is it some fancy Canadian schooling? An affinity for aimless Wikipedia? What is it?”

“You Bittles are all the same. You’re hardheaded, stubborn, and nearly impossible to say no to. If it hadn’t been for your great-great-great-great grandfather’s stubbornness, you wouldn’t even be here right now. Your family would’ve starved over in Germany and no one in your bloodline would’ve lived to see this day. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Franz is the one who… Wait, shit.”

“How do you know about my family, Jack?” Bitty’s face was pale, paler than the Canadian had ever seen. His freckles were very pronounced, and the chestnut brown of his eyes shimmered with question.

“Let’s just say that my family knew yours way back when.”

“And you happen to know _that_ how?”

Jack bit his tongue before sighing again and closing his eyes. He pressed his fingertips against his eyelids and silently counted to ten before looking back up at the boy in front of him.

“Do you believe in, uh, do you believe in the supernatural?”

“Are you chirping me right now? Are you trying to tell me you’re a damn ghost or somethin’?”

“Well, not a ghost, no.”

Bitty stumbled to the side slightly before sliding down the wall and sitting down.

“What are ya then?”

“You know how I don’t like your homemade garlic bread…?” Jack asked softly, eyes tracking Bitty’s every movement.

“I thought you were just stickin’ to your damn meal plan. You’re tellin’ me that you’re a…”

Jack licked his lips before letting his teeth slide out, finishing Bittle’s sentence with a slightly muffled “vampire, yeah. I was there for all those events that I talked about. Even the coffee. Uh, not the tea though.”

Using the wall as a support, Eric pushed himself up and lightly treaded to Jack’s bed, cautiously sitting on the edge. “Can I… Can I touch ‘em?”

He had hardly even nodded when Bitty’s hand started moving to Jack’s lips, brushing them softly before carefully stroking a sharp, white incisor. Before Jack had a chance to stop it, a quiet moan slipped from his mouth, and he quickly slapped a hand over his lips to keep himself from doing more.

“Sorry,” he started, “they’re just, uh, really sensitive?” His face was as red as it was when he asked Bitty for his notes, maybe even darker.

“Couldjya kiss someone with those?” Bitty asked, searching the vampire’s face for something, but Jack wasn’t sure what.

“I mean, they’re retractable, so I guess I couldmmmph!”

In one instant, Bitty was sitting cautiously by Jack’s side, the next he had attached himself to the dark-haired man’s lips. After a quick flash of panic, Jack kissed back, teeth gently nipping at the other’s bottom lip.

When they pulled back, they both could only pant and stare at each other – before going back in for more.

_X_

When they woke up in the morning, Bitty was pleased to find Jack pressing careful but playful kisses against the crook of his neck.

“Good morning, Bits,” he sighed before continuing his ministrations.

“Good morning, Count Jackula,” Bitty sighed back before snuggling back farther into Jack’s chest. “Can you seduce me with more history knowledge?”

Jack nearly purred. “Sure,” he started in a sultry voice. “D’you know why Alexander Hamilton wasn’t allowed to take an accelerated course of study at Princeton? It’s because the previous year James Madison did it and had a nervous breakdown and…”

Bitty couldn’t have been any more excited to learn about history if it meant he got to hear about it from the dorkiest, most attractive vampire he knew.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i based this off of a prompt i saw on tumblr that was something like "person A keeps correcting person B on history lessons and when person B confronts them about it, it's because person A was a vampire and actually lived through the events." also zimbits kissing and a horrible pun at the end bc i can't help it.
> 
> find me on tumblr [@milesandcompany](http://www.milesandcompany.tumblr.com)


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